The Detective Bride
by Anime Monster
Summary: Light is the Dread Pirate Kira, L is the "Princess" Ryuzaki, it's a tale of how True Love conquers all. BB likes his grandpa's stories. Not a crack fic. Warnings to MPreg, yaoi  Light/L , and cross-dressing.
1. Murdered By Pirates?

Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note or Princess Bride. I make no money off of this.

Author's Note: I normally don't like this type of story, but here I am writing one and enjoying myself.

There are three seperate timelines going on here and so you won't be confused I will tell you what they are. First appears is roughly ten years after the Third Kira appears and depicts a happy family. For your information, the BB and Near named in this section are not the BB from Another Note or the Near from the second half of the series.

Second is a fictional story verse which is the Princess Bride story with L replacing Buttercup as Ryuga/Ryuzaki and Light replacing Westley as Light/Dread Pirate Kira. With appearances from Misa, Matsuda, and most of the Yotsuba Group. This part is told like the story in the movie "Princess Bride" with interjections (in italics) from Grandpa Soichiro (Light's father) and BB.

Third is a flashback timeline starting after Light gets handcuffed to L, but before the Yotsuba Kira is identified. This timeline is to explain how this happy AU ended up.

For further information, I plan to turn this into a series of Princess L/Prince Light stories and would like suggestions. I've already determined to do Labyrinth next.

Summary: Light is the Dread Pirate Kira, L is the "Princess" Ryuzaki, it's a tale of how True Love conquers all. BB likes his grandpa's stories. Not a crack fic. Warnings to MPreg, yaoi (Light/L), and cross-dressing.

Warning: If you dislike smut you might wish to turn around. I do keep it all M rated, though.

**_The Detective Bride_  
Chapter 1: Murdered By Pirates?**

BB was very sick and his whole family knew it. He had caught the flu at school and then got sicker when his younger brother, Near, caught something else and passed it to his older sibling. BB looked like his mother, having the same messy black hair and facial structure, but with his father's brown eyes that often looked red. Near, on the other hand, had light hair like their father, but their mother's grey eyes.

Near was already well again and back in school, but BB was still home coughing up a lung and unlikely to return to school for quite some time. According to the last doctor's visit he had pneumnia and broncitus.

The door opened and in walked BB's mother, L, the greatest detective in the world...and also a very male mother. BB and Near had both gotten used to the fact that their mother was a man. But it often freaked out other people. Especially since at thirty, L, STILL consumed his weight in sugary snacks during the day, it was even worse when he was pregnant.

"Feeling any better?" L asked, checking BB's temperature.

"A little, mom," BB answered. It was the truth, he was lucid for the first time in awhile.

"Well your fever is down so that's a good thing, hopefully you're getting over this."

"Me, too, mom, I'm tired of being sick, and I never thought I'd say this, but I miss school."

L smirked, "Well, I have a surprise for you."

"Really?"

"Yep, Grandpa Yagami has decided to cheer you up with a visit," L said with a smile, pulling out a sucker and popping it into his mouth.

Retirement agreed with Soichiro Yagami. When the Kira investigation ended he had retired feeling the need to spend his remaining years with his family. He wasn't expecting his son and oldest child to give him grandchildren before he was fifty, but it had happened anyways. He also wasn't expecting Ryuzaki, also known as L, to be the "mother" of the child. The shock nearly killed him. Light had worried that his parents wouldn't approve of his relationship, but when Soichiro came to he told his son, "I don't care if you love another man. I don't care if you're having children with that man, though the thought does boggle my mind. What I care about is, are you happy? Does he make you happy? Does this child make you happy?"

Light didn't say many words in reply, but they had made his father give his blessing, "More than anything else in the world."

Soichiro had become the most doting of grandparents, which Ryuzaki secretly enjoyed due to the fact that he didn't know his own parents.

"How you feeling, sport?" Soichiro asked brightly. He had a book in his hand and a smile on his face.

"Better, grandpa," BB said with a smile.

"Good to hear. I brought you a gift. It's a book and I'm going to read it to you," Shoichiro said.

"What's in it?"

"Fencing. Fighting. Torture. Revenge. Giants. Monsters. Chases. Escapes. True love. Miracles. It's an excellent story for kids," Soichiro said.

"It doesn't sound bad, I'll try to stay awake," BB said.

"You won't have any problem when the story gets going," Soichiro promised and opened the book. "The Princess Bride, by S. Morgenstern. Chapter One. Ryuga was raised on a small farm in the country of Manchester. His favorite pass times were riding his horse and tormenting the farm boy that worked there. His name was Light, but he never called him that. Nothing gave Ryuga as much pleasure as ordering Light around."

* * *

Ryuzaki smiled as he heard the story begin, he had read the book that Soichiro was reading and knew that Soichiro was twisting it to make BB like it more. He wondered if it would be told the same way to Near years later and the still unnamed child that was just beginning to take form.

* * *

"Farm boy," Ryuga said. "Polish my horse's saddle. I want to see my face shining in it by morning."

Ryuga was the most beautiful man ever to exist, but he didn't take care of his appearance. His hair was a black mess that stood on every end. He wore a baggy pair of pants and a baggy shirt that did nothing to enhance his figure. However, even with the lack of adorment, people came from miles around to pay court to the farmer's son.

"As you wish," Light said softly. He was a very handsome boy who despite his job, took care of himself. He had short cut dirty blond hair that at the beginning of the day looked like it was cut from a magazine, but at the end of the day was matted with sweat and took much effort to clean up. He wore fitting clothes, though they weren't nobel's clothes. They looked good on the figure of the poor farm boy.

_"As you wish" was all he ever said to him._

Light chopped wood and Ryuga came to him with two large buckets, "Farm Boy. Fill these with water...please." For a moment Ryuga's breath caught in his throat, as Light had stopped in his chopping to look up at him with eyes that were as red as the setting sun, they were beautiful.

"As you wish," Light whispered, his eyes never leaving Ryuga until Ryuga glances back.

_"That day, he was amazed to discover that when Light was saying, 'As you wish,' what he meant was, 'I love you.'"_

Light brought the firewood into the farmhouse to find Ryuga staring off into the distance with his thumb on his lips, his thinking position.

_"And even more amazing was the day Ryuga realized he truly loved Light back."_

Ryuga suddenly stood and looked around, "Farm Boy, fetch me that pitcher." He pointed at a pitcher hanging only a little over his head.

Light reaches up and takes the pitcher down and hands it to Ryuga. "As you wish," he whispered softly.

Ryuga doesn't reach for the pitcher, but Light's hand and looks up into his eyes. "I love you, too," he whispered softly. "Come watch the sunset with me."

"As you wish," Light said with a happy smile.

_"HOLD IT! Is this really about mom and dad?" BB interjected._

_"No, but I think your parents fit the roles very well," Soichiro answered._

_"But they're going to be doing all that kissing stuff," BB said with a tad bit of disgust._

_"Okay, no kissing parents," Soichiro said. "Let me continue."_

Light had no money for marriage, so he packed his few belongings and left the farm to seek his fortune across the sea. Ryuga was very depressed about Light leaving.

"I fear I'll never see you again," Ryuga whispered against Light's chest where he was being held.

"Of course you will," Light said, lifting Ryuga's face from his chest to look into his eyes.

"But what if something happens to you?" Ryuga asked with worry in his voice.

"Hear this now: I will come for you," Light said.

"But how can you be sure?" Ryuga asked, shedding a few tears.

"This is true love. You think this happens every day?" Light asked. He smiled and received a smile in return. He then lent down and stole a last kiss goodbye.

Unfortunately for Light and Ryuga, destiny had plans for the two. One day at sea, the ship Light was on was attacked by the Dread Pirate Kira, who never left captives alive. When Ryuga heard the news that Light was murdered he changed completely he made a vow and part of him died.

"I will never love again," Ryuga whispered, staring out of his bedroom window. He then stood and went to his parents room. There he undressed and put on one of his mother's dresses and brushed his hair down. From this point on sleep was a very rare thing for Ryuga and nothing passed his lips that wasn't covered in sugar. Ryuga hoped that the sugar would at least grant fake emotions since his heart died with Light.

* * *

Five years later, in the main square of Manchester City, the prince was prepared to make an announcement. Prince Higuchi stood with his parents and his best friend, Count Kida, on a balcony of Manchester Castle looking down at the peasants. The peasants had flocked to the castle square to hear Higuchi's announcement of a bride.

"My people...a month from now, our country will have its five hundredth anniversary. On that sundown, I shall marry a lady who was once a commoner like yourselves," Higuchi said, "but perhaps you will not find her common now. Would you like to meet her?"

The crowd answered in a loud affirmative. "My people...the Princess Ryuzaki!" Higuchi presented. It was Ryuga looking splendid in a gown fit for the princess he was pretending to be.

_"Wait, I don't get it," BB said._

_"Ryuga had decided to leave his male self behind when Light died, so his parents let him pretend he is their daughter. Higuchi is an idiot, he doesn't know any better."_

_"Oh, I was worried that mom was really female and that would be weird."_

The crowd of peasants all drop to their knees with no instruction. Ryuzaki stood with tears shining in her eyes as she remembered that not long past she was a he and she was loved.

_"Ryuga's emptiness consumed him. Although the law of the land gave Higuchi the right to choose his bride, Ryuga did not love him."_

* * *

After the appearance of the third Kira, L agreed to let Misa and Light out of prison, but only if they were under constant surveillance. For Misa that met a private room with video cameras every where and an agent that was really a member of the Kira taskforce.

For Light, that met being handcuffed to L so that the detective could watch him twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week. This, of course, led to problems. Both Light and L were healthy males with healthy male "problems" that came up in the mornings. Both had no privacy from the other to take care of these problems. L thought Light's problem was caused by the blond second Kira suspect, and had seriously considered giving them the illusion of privacy, but had decided that they were too dangerous together.

L didn't understand his own thinking. Despite Light being suspected of being the first Kira, the smart one who to him was more dangerous than the second who could kill by just knowing the person's face, L wasn't certain why he insisted on being with him at all times. He could have easily put him in a room like Misa and watched him, but he opted for much closer surveillance.

Things came to a head one day when L was in the shower. He had expected things to get out of control sooner or later, there was only so long a person could take before they snap and insist on some sort of privacy. For Light that day came while he was waiting for Ryuzaki to finish his shower. He stood naked from the waist up, he insisted on waiting with no shirt on due to the chance of it getting wet from water droplets on the cuffs, which were, thankfully, waterproof.

Light proved to have the patience of a saint, though. It was a month after being handcuffed to one another and Light hadn't snapped, yet. But today proved too much for him.

L had a habit of moaning when he shampooed his hair. Secretly Light thought he should get out detective work and move to America to be in Herbal Essence ads, well, if it wasn't for the fact that Ryuzaki absolutely hated that brand. The first time that it had happened and he had emerged from the shower to see a red faced Light with a blush that actually turned his chest red, Ryuzaki had explained.

"I enjoy washing my hair," L said. "Is it a problem?"

Light had answered, "No, but..." and had trailed off looking away. L hadn't understood and the conversation, what little of it there was, bothered L more than it should.

Light slammed his fist against the counter and L jumped a little. The chain rattled and Light said, "I can't take this anymore."

He had expected the shower curtain to part and to be punched. He had expected a fight with Light ruining his "Dry Clean Only" pants by jumping into the shower with them on. He had not expected what actually happened. First the chain rattled as Light took his pants off. Then when the shower curtain did finally part and Light entered it was too a sight that L, despite their forced closeness, had never seen, a fully naked Light.

Most would think this was odd as they were everywhere together. However, this wasn't as odd as it seemed. L was actually polite and adverted his eyes when Light was removing his pants for the shower or using the toilet. The strange thing was, he knew when Light needed the digestive medicine, quite a bit more than he would have thought had it not been for the week he had the Yagami household surveillance. Light Yagami had slight lactose intollerance. He knew this, yet had never seen Light naked.

He knew that Light's favorite fruit was apples, but he disliked oranges. He knew that Light would rather eat a steak than sushi. He knew Light ate his rice with chopsicks and Light was the only person, other than Watari, who knew that L did eat a meal that was made up of non-sugary foods, two actually (though breakfast was half sugar). He knew lots of Light's little secrets, Light disliked porn, but did sometimes read a porn magazine for the articles. He knew Light's quirks, he had to fall asleep on top of the covers and migrate under them during the night. He knew that Light preferred strawberry scented shampoo, yet had never seen the other man naked.

Their relationship was rather strange and now Ryuzaki was tensed for a hit. Only instead of Light's fists hitting him in anger and frustration, Light's hands grabbed his face and pulled him into a kiss. He had not been expecting this, but damn did he want it.

Contrary to popular belief, he was not a virgin. When a case got too much and he needed to relax or just not think for awhile, he found someone in a club that was just looking for one night of passion. He never asked for names, and none were given, he only made sure that the person wasn't infected with something and made sure that the other knew he didn't have anything. He didn't need to ask Light, he already knew.

He needed this. He returned the kiss wrapping his arms around Light's neck bringing him closer. He was warm and wet from the water. And when their bodies met it was like sparks. L frowned mentally, that was a rather cliche thought. Light broke the kiss and said, punctuating each word with a brief kiss, as if he couldn't get enough, "If...you...want...me...to...stop...tell...me...now..."

"Don't," L managed to get out before Light's now wondering fingers found the place at his sides that he liked stroked. Light's fingers stilled and a look of panic appeared in his eyes, "Don't stop." Light smiled and kissed Ryuzaki again allowing his fingers to begin their exploration again. Warm water ran over both of them as Light kissed and suckled the older man's neck. L wrapped one of his legs around the back of Light's legs, trying to bring him closer.

Some people turn into mindless zombies during sex, L was one of those. It wasn't so much that he couldn't think, it was more that few thoughts could break through the pleasure induced fog around his mind. Sex had a drug like effect on him, which surprisingly, he didn't mind. He, in fact, craved it. He craved not having to think for at least a little while.

A scent of strawberries hit his nose breaking through the fog. 'Cake?' he wondered, but no it was just Light's strawberry scented shampoo being used for makeshift lube. He made a happy groan as those talented fingers found his internal pleasure points. His hands moved from around Light's neck to bracing himself against Light's shoulders, and he did need bracing especially when the fingers were replaced.

"Light," he murmered. He moaned and arched his back against the shower wall, a few vertebrae making popping sounds.

"Ryuzaki, you should get better posture," Light murmered with a small smile against the other's neck.

"Move," L said.

"As you wish," Light murmured.

"Light, Light, Light," L chanted. His thoughts were totally centered on the teenager who was entirely too talented. He wanted this to last, but knew that realistically it would be over far too soon. Neither had any for the past few months, both were on razor edges, both were entirely too needy for anything but a quick fuck against the shower wall. Plus, well, they were having sex in a shower, showers were not known for long sessions.

And it was over in a sudden eruption that centered their worlds on each other. Light's hands gripping his waist in a bruising grip. L's finger's gripping Light's shoulders in a sure to bruise way. They tensed together and fell over the edge. Light's lips sought and captured the detective's. As they came down from the high they sunk to the floor of the tub. L let Light lay between his legs, holding him. Light kept his arms around L's waist, though lose and softly stroking the purpling skin.

"I'm sorry," Light whispered.

"For what?" Ryuzaki asked. This was confusing.

"I don't think we should have done it. You still see me as a suspect and therefore we should be rivals and rivals don't have sex in shower stalls," Light said.

"I still see you as a suspect," L agreed, "however, I really wanted to do that, and I hope that we can do it again."

Light looked up startled, "Really?"

L nodded, "I don't understand it, but sex with you is good and addicting. I want more. Though I hope it won't be in the shower."

* * *

EDITED: 10/9/2010


	2. Kidnapped!

Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note or Princess Bride. I make no money off of this.

Author's Note: I know that I just posted chapter 1, but I'm trying get this whole thing out. So here's chapter 2.

For further information, I plan to turn this into a series of Princess L/Prince Light stories and would like suggestions. I've already determined to do Labyrinth next. This will be followed by the Disney version of "Little Mermaid" and "Beauty and the Beast".

Summary: Light is the Dread Pirate Kira, L is the "Princess" Ryuzaki, it's a tale of how True Love conquers all. BB likes his grandpa's stories. Not a crack fic. Warnings to MPreg, yaoi (Light/L), and cross-dressing

**_The Detective Bride_  
Chapter 2: Kidnapped?**

Ryuga raced through the woods on the back of his horse.

_"Despite Higuchi's reassurance that she would grow to love him, the only joy Ryuga found was in his daily ride."_

It was a bittersweet joy, though. There was no Light at the end of his ride to help him down from the horse and to care for the horse. There was no more Light in his life.

There was a spot in these woods, though, that Ryuga liked to come to. They were quite and deserted and provided an excellent place for him to think without anyone pestering him. Was he doing the right thing trying to forget Light? He knew he wasn't, but he had no choice, save to run away.

"A word, my lady?" a male voice said from nearby.

The speaker was a short man with too much blond hair and looked like he had tried to play the bearded lady in a circus freakshow. He was accompanied by too others, a blond woman with a soft smile on her face and a giant of a man who looked to be the cuddly teddy bear type. As soon as he noticed them the speaker began to speak again, "We are but poor, lost circus performers. Is there a village nearby?"

"There is nothing nearby; not for miles," Ryuga answered. He immediately regretted it.

The speaker suddenly gained a dastardly grin and Ryuga realized that his mustache was a bit evil looking.

_"But mustaches aren't evil!" BB interrupted._

_"In those days they were."_

"Then there will be no one to hear you scream-" the speaker said as the giant reached up and pinched a nerve in Ryuga's neck knocking him unconcious. Ryuga's instinctual scream was cut off before it actually formed.

The group of three kidnappers moved towards a boat that was moored off the channel's coast nearby, leading the horse with it's unconscious rider. The giant picked up Ryuga and took him aboard while the woman began preparing the little boat for travel. The speaker stood on the shore and busied himself with fabric.

"What is that you're ripping?" the woman asked. She was known as Misa Amane and was remarked as one of the finest swords"men" in the world. Her father had been a great swordsmith and had been murdered by a six-fingered man in front of her. Since that day she had studied the sword beyond that of any other, to the point of obsession. All in preparation for her to confront the six-fingered man who had killed her father.

"It's fabric from the uniform of an Army officer of Kanto," the speaker said. He was a short man with very little brains, though he liked to pretend he had more. He had a dizzing sort of logic that caused many to wonder if it was logic or the ravings of a maniac. His name was Takahashi Eiichi.

The third of their group was a giant of a man who had been friends with Misa for a long time. He was the happy type, though not very bright. Takahashi was always insulting his intelligence, but Misa would often try to help him become wiser. His name was Touta Matsuda. "Who's Kanto?" Matsuda asked.

"The country across the sea. The sworn enemy of Manchester," Takahashi said as if talking to an idiot. He finished tucking the fabric into the horse's saddle and then turned it around pointing it towards Manchester and slapped it across the rump, "Go!"

The horse took off and Takahashi got into the boat with his two compatriots and their kidnapped victim. "Once the horse reaches the castle, the fabric will make the Prince suspect the Kantians have abducted his love. When he finds her body dead on the Kanto frontier, his suspicions will be totally confirmed," Takahashi explained.

"You never said anything about killing anyone," Matsuda said.

"I've hired you to help me start a war. That's a prestigious line of work with a long and glorious tradition," Takahashi explained.

"I just don't think it's right, killing an innocent girl," Matsuda complained.

"Am I going mad or did the word 'think' escape your lips?" Takahashi shouted at Matsuda. "You were not hired for your brains, you hippopotamic land mass."

Misa looked at Ryuga and said, "I agree with Matsuda."

Takahashi got really angry at that and turned ot Matsuda, "Oh? The woman has spoken. What happens to her is not truly your concern - I will kill her - And remember this - never forget this -" Misa managed to remain calm as Takahashi advanced at her and Matsuda, but Matsuda looked a bit panicked. "-when I found you, you were so slobbering drunk you couldn't buy brandy -" he said to Misa. Then he turned to Matsuda who had retreated behind Misa, "-and you-friendless, brainless, helpless, hopeless-Do you want me to send you back to where you were, unemployed in GREENLAND?"

Misa cast the boat off and looked at her distressed friend. "That Takahashi, he can fuss," Misa said softly, emphasizing the last word. She knew how to cheer Matsuda up. It was a game between them, it also helped Matsuda's vocabulary.

"...fuss..fuss..." Matsuda said and then brightened considerably, "I think he likes to scream at us."

"Probably he means no harm," Misa replied.

"He's really very short on charm," Matsuda answered quickly.

"Oh, you've a great gift for rhyme," Misa said proudly.

"Yes, some of the time," Matsuda said with a small smile.

"Enough of that," Takahashi shouted at them as the boat moved off into the channel.

"Matsuda, are there rocks ahead?" Misa asked.

"If there are, we'll all be dead," Matsuda answered.

"No more rhymes now, I mean it," Takahashi shouted.

"Anybody want a peanut?" Matsuda answered cheerfully.

Takahashi gave a wordless scream and Misa and Matsuda quited, their revenge complete.

* * *

Night falls and Misa is at the helm of the small ship. Matsuda is standing near Ryuga watching the "princess". Ryuga's eyes flicker in a way that indicates he is waking up while Takahashi sits nearby watching the waves.

"We'll reach the Cliffs by dawn," Takahashi said to Misa. He has obviously calmed quite a bit from earlier. But his ire picks up when Misa glances behind the boat after nodding. "Why are you doing that?"

"Making sure nobody's following us," Misa said.

"That would be inconceivable," Takahashi said.

"Despite what you think, you will be caught. And when you are, the Prince will see you all hanged," Ryuzaki said. His voice startled Matsuda and Misa while Takahashi just whirled around glaring at him.

"Of all the necks on this boat, Highness, the one you should be worrying about is your own," Takahashi answered. Misa turned around again, looking behind them. "Stop doing that," Takahashi screamed at her. "We can all relax, it's almost over."

"You're sure nobody is following us?" Misa asked.

"As I told you, it would absolutely, totally, and in all other ways, inconceivable. No one in Kanto knows what we've done. And no one in Manchester could have gotten here so fast," Takahashi explained and then frowned. "Out of curiosity, why do you ask?"

"No reason," Misa said, looking behind the boat again. "It's only, I just happened to look behind us, and something is there."

"WHAT?" Takahashi screamed getting up. Matsuda looks behind them at the same time. They look out into the darkness behind the ship, but see nothing until the full moon passes out from behind the clouds to illuminate a sailboat like theirs, but black with a great billowing black sail. The black boat is obviously faster then theirs as it is slowly growing larger under the moonlight.

"Probably some local fisherman out for a pleasure cruise at night through eel-infested waters," Takahashi explained, though the explanation felt weak even to him. And then there was a splash nearby. They whirl around to see that Ryuga had jumped ship and was swimming away. "Go in, get after her!"

"I don't swim," Misa said.

"I only dog paddle," Matsuda explained.

"Veer left. Left. Left!" Takahashi screamed at Misa who spins the wheel towards Ryuga.

Ryuga switches his strokes from a fast crawl to a silent breast stroke, hoping that the darkness will enable him to escape his kidnappers. As the wind dies and his strokes grow silent a new sound can be heard. It is a high pitched shrieking sound that isn't too distant. Ryuga stopped, treding water. He's panicking, trying to decide which is the lesser of the two evils. The unknown shrieking or the kidnappers, could he make it to the other boat, was the other boat friendly?

"Do you know what that sound is, Highness?" Takahashi said, leaning over the side of the boat nearest Ryuga. "Those are the Shrieking Eels - if you doubt me, just wait. They always grow louder when they're about to feed on human flesh."

The shrieking grows louder and Ryuga is frightened. "If you swim back now, I promise, no harm will come to you. I doubt you will get such an offer from the Eels."

Ryuga is absolutely terrified. Something slithers behind him, but he can't move, he's frozen in the water. An eel slithers closer and closer from in front of him. Ryuga knows there is nothing he can do, he's dead in the water. For a brief instant he's happy that he gets to reunite with Light, but just as the eel is about to bite him...

Matsuda reaches into the water and plucks the frozen Ryuga from it. He frowns, but schools his face into an emotionless mask. He doesn't think Ryuzaki is as female as he pretends to be.

"Put her down," Takahashi shouted. "Just put her down."

Matsuda does as he's told while Misa looks back. "I think he's getting closer."

"He's no concern of ours," Takahashi says, tying Ryuga's hands together. "Sail on!" He turned to Ryuga and said, "I suppose you think you're brave, don't you?"

"Only compared to some," Ryuga answered, daring him to say something.

The boat quites down as the crisis has been adverted. Misa continues to steer the boat towards the cliffs and play lookout.

* * *

As the dawn rises Misa shouts, "Look! He's right on top of us." Then with a bit of absentmindedness she looks up at the sails of their own ship, "I wonder if he is using the same wind we are using."

"Whoever he is, he's too late," Takahashi shouted pointing ahead of them. "See? The Cliffs of Insanity."

The Cliffs of Insanity are huge they rise straight up for hundreds of feet. Many a man has gone insane and attempted to climb the cliffs, but it's nigh impossible. There were very few footholds and the way the water rushed through the narrow pass that the cliffs surrounded caused fifty foot waves to regularly crash into the cliff face causing the rocks to become slick and wet.

Even Takahashi was not stupid enough to believe that the cliffs could be climbed bare handed, even by Matsuda. Instead he had a large heavy rope installed that allowed Matsuda to climb the cliffs.

* * *

L wiped his hands off on the towel and glanced one last time at the cake in the oven. He hoped BB was feeling up to eating some. If he was right than Soichiro was past the eels which would definitely bring BB into the story fully.

He smiled and went to make some lemonade for the two.

* * *

For the next week after their shower time, both L and Light were stepping on eggshells around each other. L really wanted to believe that Light wasn't Kira, that no one who put that much emotion feeling into his touch could be a bad person. Light wanted desperately to prove that he was not Kira so that he could be with L and let Misa go.

It wasn't that he disliked the girl, but he wasn't in love with her. His dreams were not of her. His nightmares did not see her dead. His every waking moment was not spent on thoughts of her. He did care for her, though, and hoped she wasn't the second Kira, partly because if she was than he would be the first, he knew.

He was in love with the detective who was convinced that he was the first Kira. This should have annoyed him, but it didn't, surprisingly. He had figured that maybe he had cast suspicions on himself in order to get closer to the detective. He wasn't sure what he had been thinking, but figured it was just denial at being in love with a guy that had caused his actions previously.

And he knew he was in love with Ryuzaki, Ryuga, L. His dreams featured him constantly. His nightmares saw Kira winning and L dead in his arms. His every waking moment was spent on thoughts of him, and they weren't all connected to the case.

Part of him was eager to see the end of this investigation and the end of Kira. But another part of him was worried, would Ryuzaki allow him to come with him, help him on cases that were not Kira related?

He couldn't let himself believe that Ryuzaki had no feelings for him. He had to believe that when Ryuzaki had claimed him as a friend that he had been honest, even though he knew Ryuzaki was a very good liar. If he started to think about Ryuzaki lying about that then he got depressed and depression wasn't good for him.

His favorite part of the day was when Ryuzaki smiled because of something he did, though it was usually case related.

This week had been the hardest, though, by far. He had finally gotten L the way he wanted, only to be stupid and think that L wouldn't want him. Now he wasn't sure what to do, but L wasn't giving him those smiles and seemed to have clammed up again, and he knew it was his fault.

What was worse, it seemed that the whole investigation team knew that something had happened in that bathroom a week ago. Matsuda had glared at him for making L clam up. Mogi had said nothing, but the way he glanced between them every so often spoke more loudly than words. His father, though, was the worse. His father who thought he genuinely like Misa couldn't understand the situation.

And Misa, he had had a "date" with her earlier this week. He didn't think her gripping and holding him had helped his chances with Ryuzaki. He had wanted to tell her no, he hadn't wanted to be with her, but it was impossible, she wouldn't hear it. He knew that when the case was solved she expected him to move in with her for real and have a happy family, but he couldn't bare it. She wasn't Ryuzaki.

He couldn't sit for hours in silence with her just thinking. Their conversations weren't intelligent by any stretch of the imagination. And her affection was only one-sided. He could see himself perhaps being friends with her, but the thought of sex with her turned his stomach, for some reason.

He knew that sex wasn't all to romantic relationships, but he also knew that it was the pentacle of them. He knew that he couldn't be romantically involved with someone if the thought of sex with that person was disturbing. It might sound shallow, but it was true. And he couldn't say anything to Misa as he knew the entire investigative team was watching them and his insecurities were not something he wanted the entire team to know.

He wished that he could get a moment to himself, or even kidnap Ryuzaki for a moment away from the cameras and microphones.

But it was impossible.

Something else would have to break soon, or he might.

* * *

EDITED: 10/9/2010


	3. Fight On the Cliffs

Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note or Princess Bride. I make no money off of this.

Author's Note: Sorry for the break between chapters. There is now an order for future updates on my profile.

Also, order for the sequels will be Labyrinth, Little Mermaid, Beauty and the Beast, Sleeping Beauty, Peter Pan, Snow White, Aladdin, and maybe Black Cauldron. I do want to do more, though.

Summary: Light is the Dread Pirate Kira, L is the "Princess" Ryuzaki, it's a tale of how True Love conquers all. BB likes his grandpa's stories. Not a crack fic. Warnings to MPreg, yaoi (Light/L), and cross-dressing

_**The Detective Bride**_  
**Chapter 3: Fight on the Cliffs**

The small boat containing the three kidnappers and their victim reach a small section of cliff with a rope hanging from the top. Matsuda gets the rope and pulls the little boat near it while Misa puts a harness on him. He then straps Misa and Takahashi into the harness following with himself so that all three are hanging from the giant who is going to climb the cliff face.

Takahashi mentions something about their pursuer having to find a harbor because only Matsuda can climb the cliff, which neither of his accomplices answer as Matsuda begins to climb. As he climbs the little boat drifts away into the pass. It would probably end up no more than drift wood shortly as the waves of in the pass would dash it upon the rocks of the cliff face.

The other boat reaches the spot as Matsuda reaches the third way point. Ryuga had never liked heights and squeezed his eyes shut as a sudden wave of vertigo hit him. Matsuda is certain now that Ryuga isn't female, but he says nothing. What business is it of his if the Princess Ryuzaki isn't really a girl.

A small figure dressed in black emerges from the second ship and starts climbing the rope. He is dressed from head to toe in black, including a black cloth mask which hides his face. He climbs fast despite the impossibility of the climb. Misa looked down and gasped, "He's climbing the rope. And he's gaining on us."

"Inconceivable!" Takahashi shouted looking down as well, but it was true and he prodded Matsuda, hoping that the giant would move faster.

The Man in Black continues climbing at impossible speed, continues to gain.

"Faster!" Takahashi commanded Matsuda.

"I thought I was going faster," Matsuda complained.

"You were supposed to be this colossus. You were this great, legendary thing. And yet he gains," Takahashi told him.

"Well, I'm carrying three people. And he's got only himself," Matsuda said softly.

"I do not accept excuses. I'm just going to have to find myself a new giant, that's all," Takahashi shouted at him.

Ryuga wished he could find a way out of this situation, but the only way out involved plunging hundreds of feet to his death.

"Don't say that, Takahashi. Please."

"Did I make it clear that your job is at stake?" Takahashi shouted.

Matsuda climbs and soon he is at the top. Takahashi leaps out of the harness before the others could get situated and pulls out a small dagger which he uses to begin cutting the rope tied to the rocks. Misa gets out of the harness and helps Ryuga out of it, now she's certain that the princess isn't female, but it's none of her concern.

The Man in Black continues to climb, faster and faster, further and further up the rope. He's nearly at the top, probably only twenty-five feet from it, when Takahashi cuts through the rope and it goes sailing towards the channel.

"He has very good arms," Matsuda told Misa. He, Ryuga, and Misa were all standing at the cliff's edge looking down. All three are impressed by the Man in Black who was holding on to the rockface delicately.

"He didn't fall? Inconceivable!" Takahashi shouted.

"You keep using that word - I do not think it means what you think it means," Misa said. "My God! He's climbing."

The Man in Black is climbing up the cliffside, inch by slow inch.

"Whoever he is, he's obviously seen us with the Princess, and must therefore die," Takahashi said to Misa. He turned to Matsuda, "You, carry her." A brief look of confusion crossed Matsuda's face but was ignored. "We'll head straight for the Kanto frontier. Catch up when he's dead. If he falls, fine. If not, the sword," he told Misa.

"I want to duel him left-handed," Misa said.

"You know what a hurry we're in," Takahashi said.

"Well, it's the only way I can be satisfied. If I use my right hand -tch- over too quickly," Misa said.

"Oh, have it your way," Takahashi said, leading Matsuda carrying Ryuga away from the area.

The top of the cliff is like the ruins of an old fort. There are crumbling stone steps, pillars, and arches.

"You be careful," Matsuda said to Misa. "People in masks cannot be trusted."

"I'm waiting!" Takahashi called out. Matsuda sighed and headed after him.

Misa doesn't like waiting, but does anyway. For awhile she practices some of her sword movements and hopes the Man in Black can use the blade that is strapped to his side as well as he can sail or climb, because if so it would be a very exciting fight. She doesn't entertain the possibility of the Man in Black falling and every time she looks over the edge he's inches closer. But she's impatient. She is eager for the fight.

Finally Misa hollers down, "Hello there." The Man in Black looks up and grunts, exasperated. "Slow going?" Misa hollers back.

"Look, I don't mean to be rude," the Man in Black says, "but this is not as easy as it looks. So I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't distract me."

"Sorry," Misa said, sheepishly.

"Thank you," the Man in Black replied.

Misa does a few more practice swings and then looks back over the edge.

"I do not suppose you could speed things up?" Misa shouted.

"If you're in such a hurry, you could lower a rope, or a tree branch, or find something useful to do," the Man in Black said back. If Ryuga heard his voice he would have found that his cold heart beat again.

"I could do that. In fact, I've got some rope up here. But I do not think that you will accept my help, since I am only waiting around to kill you," Misa said. Her cute face bobbing.

"That does put a damper on our relationship," the Man in Black agrees, finding another handhold and pulling himself a few inches higher.

"But I promise I will not kill you until you reach the top," Misa said.

"That's very comforting," the Man in Black said, showing his grasp for sarcasm. "But I'm afraid you'll just have to wait."

"I hate waiting," Misa complained. "I could give you my word as a woman."

"No good. I've known too many women," the Man in Black complained, resting for a moment on the cliff face.

"You don't know any way you'll trust me?" Misa said. Her heart shaped face trembles and there are a few tears in her eyes.

"Nothing comes to mind," the Man in Black said, beginning his climb again.

Misa pauses for a few minutes before saying, "I swear on the soul of my father, Mogi Amane, you will reach the top alive."

The Man in Black pauses for only a moment and looks up into Misa's eyes, "Throw me the rope."

Misa dashes over to the rock where the rope had been tied and quickly unwound enough of it that she could toss it over to the Man in Black. The Man in Black take the rope and begins to climb, Misa struggles to pull him up at the same time.

"Thank you," the Man in Black said, reaching the top of the cliff.

"We'll wait until you're ready," Misa said as the Man in Black reached for his sword.

"Again, thank you," he said.

Both sit on a bolder and removes his boots to get several large rocks out of them.

"I do not mean to pry," Misa said, "but you don't by any chance happen to have six fingers on your right hand?"

The Man in Black looked at the woman and asks, "Do you always begin conversations this way?"

"My father was slaughtered by a six-fingered man," Misa began. "He was a great swordmaker, my father. And when the six-fingered man appeared and requested a special sword, my father took the job. He slaved a year before he was done."

She hands over her sword, allowing the Man in Black to look at it. "I have never seen it's equal," he said, handing it back.

"Even now, this still brings pain," Misa said. "The six-fingered man returned and demanded it, but at one-tenth his promised price. My father refused. Without a word, the six-fingered man slashed him through the heart. I loved my father, so, naturally, I challenged his murderer to a duel...I failed...the six-finger man did leave me alive with the six-fingered sword, but he gave me these."

She reached up and touched a pair of scars on her cheeks right below the eyes.

"How old were you?" he asked.

"I was eleven years old. When I was strong enough, I dedicated my life to the study of fencing. So that the next time we meet, I will not fail. I will go up to the six-fingered man and say, 'Hello, my name is Misa Amane. You killed my father. Prepare to die."

"You've done nothing but study swordplay?" the Man in Black asked the woman. Finding a woman who had studied sword was rare, but finding one who had dedicated her life to it, was unheard of. But he understood. Her father had created swords and was murdered before her, she was the obsessive type who would go to the ends of the earth for her revenge.

"More pursuit than study lately," Misa replied. "You see, I cannot find him. It's been twenty years now. I am starting to lose confidence. I just work for Takahashi to pay the bills. There's not a lot of money in revenge."

"Well, I certainly hope you find him, someday," the Man in Black told her, standing.

"You are ready, then?" Misa asked.

"Whether I am or not, you've been more than fair," he replied.

"You seem a decent fellow. I hate to kill you," she said, standing as well and putting her sword in her left hand.

"You seem a decent fellow," he said, also holding his sword in his left hand. "I hate to die."

"Begin!" she shouted. It would go down in history as one of the greatest sword fights ever. There was none of that silly fencing garbage. Just two amazing swordsmen proving their knowledge of the sword. They don't speak as they test the other's skills slowly feiting and countering as they circle like vultures over a fresh kill.

Finally, Misa presses the attack, their swords cross, they head up a rocky incline, the Man in Black retreating.

Misa is obviously having the time of her life, "You're using Bonetti's defense against me, ah?"

"I thought it fitting, considering the rocky terrain," he replied. He was obviously having fun, too.

"Naturally, you must expect me to attack with capo Ferro," Misa replied, shifting styles.

"Naturally," he said, also shifting. "But I find Thibault cancels out Capo Ferro, don't you?"

He is perched on an elevated portion of the ruin and jumps to the sand below, Misa stares at him.

"Unless the enemy has studied his Agrippa," Misa said, leaping off her perch and somersaulting over the head of the Man in Black, "which I have."

Neither stumbles as they almost literally fly across the terrain. Both are obviously masters, neither over thrusts and both know when to press the advantage. This fight is the thing of legends, think of the two best swords fighters in other works and then have them fight, and this would be the result. Up and over and the deadly edge of the Cliffs of Insanity approaches behind Misa.

The Man in Black has the advantage, he's better with his left hand than she is.

"You are wonderful!" Misa says, happily.

"Thank you," he replied. "I've worked hard to become so."

Misa continues to back towards the Cliff's edge.

"I admit it," she said. "You are better than I am."

"Then why are you smiling?" he asks her.

"Because I know something you don't know," still smiling even though she's inches from the cliff face.

"And what is that?" he asks.

"I am not left-handed," she said. The sword switches hands and immediately the tide of the battle turns. The Man in Black then realizes that Misa is probably the best swordsmen he had ever had the pleasure to battle, it was even more impressive because she was a woman.

The Man in Black retreats up a staircase, but he cannot break Misa's attack. He is desperately trying to find an opening, any opening. But Misa's attacks are perfect, the sign of a true master of the art, she was great with her left hand, but she was truly amazing with her right.

"You're amazing!" he said.

"I ought to be after twenty years," she replied. She manages to get him pinned against a stone ledge.

"There's something I ought to tell you," he said.

"Tell me," she pleaded.

He used his larger size to get her to back away for a moment and switches hands, "I am not left-handed either."

If the battle was something with both using their left hand, it was truly something else with both using their dominant hands. The Man in Black pushes Misa down the steps, faster and faster, and Misa finds herself unable to break his attack. Suddenly the sword flies out of her hand. She dives towards it, catching a moss covered bar and swings like a gymnist towards her sword.

The Man in Black smiles and lets her get to the sword before tossing his own sword casually to where it sinks in perfectly into some Spanish Moss. He then jumps over and grabs the bar, swinging over it and dismounting with a flip, landing on the balls of his feet next to his sword which he casually picks up in a perfect fencing ready position. One could just expect to see the little white face mask under his other arm.

"Who are you?" Misa asked, awe inspired.

"No one of consequence," he replied.

"I must know," she begged.

"Get used to disappointment," he said.

"Okay," she said, pressing the attack. A lightning strike would have been put to shame trying to match her speed. Yet, the Man in Black matches it. He dodges and parries her strikes with a perfection and grace that could not be achieved by another.

The six-fingered sword is knocked free again, and Misa spins, catching it, but she knows she has lost. She has given her all, but their is no hope for her to best this man. She wished she had completed her revenge, but even without that, she could die happy knowing that she had met her match, her equal.

Again, the sword flies from her grip as the Man in Black slashes at her fingers. For a moment she stood helpless and then drops to her knees. If he does not kill her than she would dedicate her life to assisting him.

"Kill me quickly," Misa said.

"I wold as soon destroy a stained glass window as an artist like yourself. However, since I can't have you following me either," he knocks her unconscious with the hilt of his sword, allowing her to slump forward, but catches her before she broke her nose. He lowers her more gently to the ground. "Please understand, I hold you in the highest respect."

He sheathes his sword and runs in the direction that the footprints of the other two indicate they went in.

* * *

The door to the bedroom opened and Ryuzaki stood there with a small smile on his face, "I felt like that when I lost to Light at tennis."

"Hi, mom," BB said, he seems a hundred precent better. He's still pale, but the story let him take his mind off his cold, and allowed his body to focus on healing.

"I brought you two some lemonade," he said. "I thought grandpa could use some, considering he's doing all the talking."

"Not true," Soichiro said. "BB is being a very active listener."

Ryuzaki smiled, "Good, maybe he'll be up for dinner."

He smiled at the two and shut the door behind him. BB was the reason that all names had to be approved by Light for the future children. Admittedly, BB resembled Beyond Birthday with more than just a passing familiarity, something that brought a chill up his spine. But really, what was Light expecting a man whose given name is a letter to name his child?

Certainly not Stewie.

BB had had a lot of problems in school because of his name. One of his teacher took points off his homework because of the way he spelled his name, well until Light and Ryuzaki had gone to the school and had a serious talk with the teacher in question. BB's name was not BeeBee or short for anything, or even BiBi in Japanese (though it was spelt with the katakana for that). It was simply BB.

* * *

L knew he should probably not be acting as he was. He couldn't help himself. Was Light really interested in him like that, or was it a trick of Kira's to get closer to kill him. Was Light really Kira? Could it be possible that he was wrong?

He knew that the Yotsuba Kira was the third Kira. He knew Misa Amane was the second Kira. And he was pretty certin that Light Yagami was the first Kira. But he didn't act like Kira should act.

Kira was childish and hated to lose; Light was mature and shrugged off loses like they were water on a duck's back. Kira had a god-complex and narcissim; Light was self-confident, but modest (he had even helped his sister over the phone while in lock up without letting his sister know he was locked up). Kira wanted nothing more than to kill him; Light...

Light wanted to love him.

His confusion was effecting the case, he knew it. He wanted nothing more than to let Light love him, but would that make him lose?

He hate to lose, he was a lot like Kira, without the god-complex, and even that could be argued. He was a childish man with a love of sweets that went unrivaled, some narcissism, a hatred for losing, and possibly a god-complex, he was the three best detectives in the world, along with a handful of others that were more like throw away aliases.

He knew the way that he treated himself would lead to burn out or even death, but he couldn't help himself. He saw himself as immortal as no matter what happened, if he died, another L would rise in his place. He was as much of a throw away person, as his aliases.

Could he still be a throw away if he allowed himself to love and be loved in return?

It had been a week since the shower incident.

And something would have to break soon.

Or else, he would break.


End file.
